Remembering Two Months

I am posting live from Texas Children Level 3 NICU.  We came up here to celebrate Caroline’s two month old birthday.  She is doing well.  She is up to 4 pounds, 13 ounces.  We now officially can see a double chin.  She still has the cannulas on and she kind of likes them.  Katie is holding her now.

It has been an amazing two months.  When Katie was pregnant, I wrote a few notes (I guess you could call it a diary – my only diary and only blog) along the way.  We started the blog when Caroline was two days old.  So, somehow, Caroline’s birthday does not have a “diary” entry and it has not been discussed too much on the blog.  I plan on printing everything from the blog and giving it to Caroline someday  It will not be complete without remembering her birthday.  Warning – this is kind of long – okay, really long.  Many of you know the story, but for those that don’t…

One of our doctors came by the day before Caroline was born.  She ran some tests and gave us a nervous look.  I will never forget her face.  For a second, I thought she was going to say that we had to deliver that night.  She ran some numbers and looked at the tests in greater detail.  Katie was instructed not to take her blood thinner that night, meaning that we would get to meet Caroline the next day.  I immediately got on the phone with my family and told them to get to Houston as fast as they could.  My Dad and Step Mom live in Colorado half of the year, so it was going to be hard for them to get to Houston in time.  My Sister was literally pulling into the driveway after driving back from visiting Colorado.  They kept their bags in the car and came down early the next morning.  Katie was on the phone with her family, as well.  We were all on notice – and all nervous.

We felt good when we woke up, even though it was Friday the 13^th.  I called my Dad – he was passing Rabbit Ears Peak in Colorado, which was where I proposed to Katie.  Dr. Gei came by about 10:00 a.m.  He ran the test again and confirmed that baby Caroline had to come that day.  He predicted that Caroline would be 2 pounds, 2 ounces, “plus or minus a kilo”.  He told us that we would deliver around noon.  I remember getting very sad looking at Caroline on the ultrasound.  She had no idea what was about to happen.  Even though I kind of knew what was going to happen, there is no way I could have been prepared for what was about to happen.

Katie’s wonderful nurse, Krystie, who also checked Katie into Methodist three plus weeks earlier, was going to be in the Operating Room.  She came by and gave Katie an IV of Magnesium Sulfate, which is proven to reduce brain injury, such as cerebral palsy, in premature babies. 

Our families, minus my Dad, who was on a plane, came by to give us last minute well wishes.  It was great to see my family – the 3+ weeks of bed rest felt like a year and it really took it out of me. 

All of the doctors made last minute checkups with us.  The anesthesiologist came by to confirm a few things.  One of the fears of the doctors was Katie’s low platelet level.  The anesthesiologists really thought that they would need blood and platelets for the surgery.  I remember him double checking with the staff if the extra blood was ready.  They said that it would be in the O.R.  He said he wanted it before going to the O.R.  Up until this point, all of my focus had been on Caroline.  Now I was very nervous.

I was not allowed in the O.R. for a couple of reasons.  Katie had to be under general anesthesia.  Also, the doctors had to work very fast, so that Caroline would not be overly exposed to the anesthesia.  I sat about 10-15 feet outside of the O.R., which was to my left.   There was a hallway straight in front of me.  If you walked down the hallway about 15 feet, there was a little area to the right where they stabilize babies.  This is where Caroline would go after she was born.  I could not see this area because it was blocked by a wall.  You can kind of tell in this picture. 

Katie went into the O.R. with Dr. Peakes, Dr. Gei, the neonatologist, Dr. Van Winkle, the anesthesiologist, Krystie and a few other helpers.  The door was cracked a little, so I could hear.  I couldn’t decide if I wanted to hear or not…  Dr. Gei asked the anesthesiologist if he could proceed.  They started their work.  Within minutes, I heard Dr. Gei say “the baby is crying”.  Moments later, the neonatologist came running out of the O.R. with Caroline wrapped up in blankets.  I could not see her, though.  She took her over to the stabilization area and started working on Caroline.  I have told people before that this moment was so overwhelming.  Katie to my left and Caroline straight ahead.  I wanted to throw up, but I did not have anything to eat that morning.  Thankfully, Katie did really well and I started hearing from Katie’s nurse that she was doing really well.  I could hear Dr. Gei say that he didn’t think they would need the extra blood.  Before too long, Katie was out of the O.R. and onto recovery.

Caroline, on the other hand, was having a hard time.  I didn’t know exactly what was going on, but it was scary.  There were all kinds of crazy noises coming from the machines in the stabilization area that were frightening.  I would soon learn what all of those noises indicated after a couple of weeks in the NICU.  I remember seeing a woman walking towards me down the hallway.  As she was passing by the stabilization area, she glanced over at Caroline.  She briefly stopped walking and her eyes bugged out of her head.  She kept on walking towards me and said “she’s a fighter”.  That same woman would later bring me Caroline’s birth certificate with her footprints.  She told me that she was going to be okay.  I think I took a breath for the first time in an hour, or maybe it just felt like that. 

A little later, Dr. Gei and Dr. Peakes came by to talk to me.  They told me that she was 853 grams, or 1 pound, 14 ounces.  Dr. Peakes said that she sees the small babies from time to time, but it is always shocking to see them.  Dr. Peakes and Dr. Gei then went to talk to our families, while I waited to see Caroline.

I was told that I could come over to see Caroline.  As I was walking up, the neonatologist stopped me to give me the update.  She told me that Caroline was resuscitated the second minute of her life.  She told me that her blood pressure was very low and that they were trying to get it to rise.  Her blood pressure was about 30/15 and it needed to be about twice that, I think.  The Kangaroo Crew from Texas Children’s had just arrived and they were about to transfer her to the transport vessel.  Before that, they wanted to give me a chance to see her.   My first look at Caroline cannot be put into words.  She was simply so tiny - and cute.  I had to get very close to even get a decent look at her face.  It hit me at that moment that this process was going to be long and hard.  As much as you prepare yourself, it doesn’t help.  Sometimes you have to see your challenge to understand the magnitude.  They told me to take a picture if I had a camera.  I took a picture, but the camera was on the wrong setting and it was blurry.  I walked away without getting a good picture.  I just wanted them to get her to TCH immediately.  A few minutes later, the same woman that gave me the birth certificate asked to see the picture I took.  I think she had an idea that my picture stunk.  She made me go get a better picture and I am really happy that I did. 

August 13 - 1 pound, 14 ounces

I walked to the other end of the O.R.  I looked out a window and saw my sister at the end of a long hall.  We started texting with each other and it was very exciting to share the news.  However, Caroline was having a hard time getting moved to the transport vessel.  Every time she was moved, one of the terrifying alarms went off, and they had to put her back in the stabilization area to adjust something – a sign of things to come.  After several attempts, she was finally ready to go to TCH.  We went out of the O.R. with the transport team, which included a TCH doctor and 3 people from the Kangaroo Crew.  Caroline was greeted by her biggest fans – our families.  We went into Labor and Delivery to see Katie, who was back in her room by this point.  She got to get a quick look at her little girl.  A few seconds later, we were on our way to TCH.

My Mom walked with me on the way to the NICU.  I am glad that she was able to come along because it was an amazing walk.  We had to walk very slow, since any bump or movement could move Caroline’s tubes and wires.  Since she was so small, they had to be perfectly placed.  We made it to the elevator bank and had to wait for a couple of minutes.  I was getting anxious waiting for the elevator.  A woman that helped with the transport must have known – she looked at me and told me that if anyone was on the elevator, she would kick them off…and she could be mean.  I couldn’t believe it, but I was able to laugh at that time.  The elevator came and there was one person on board.  We got on with that person.  I cannot imagine what that person was thinking as she looked at a 1 pound, 14 ounce baby on total life support.  I bet that no one believed her when she told that story.  Ha.  We walked through the tunnels of the medical center.  The Kangaroo Crew must have done that walk several times, because they anticipated every bump and incline.  They would turn the cart in certain directions to keep Caroline’s blood pressure stable.  They were so professional and great at what they do.  I love the Kangaroo Crew.  Every once in a while, I see a member of the Crew at TCH.  I always have to tell them how much I love them.  Katie always gets a little embarrassed.  She should of figured that out before she married me – heck, I am my Dad’s son.

We made it to the NICU at TCH.  What a relief.  I talked to Caroline’s first doctor and watched as her first nurse, Jennifer, checked her into her new home.  I knew the nurses at TCH would be great, but Jennifer blew me away.  I could not believe how many things she was doing at the same time being under such incredible pressure.  It was impressive to say the least.  I remember thinking that Jennifer had to be our nurse every day.  I was nervous about getting a new nurse.  Our second nurse, Meghan, immediately made a great impression on us.  I knew that Caroline was in good hands with Jennifer and Meghan.  We have felt that way about all of our nurses at TCH (all heroes to me), but we will always have a special bond with Jennifer and Meghan.  TCH, if you are reading this, I do not know how much money you pay Jennifer, Meghan and the night nurses that took care of Caroline the first weekend, but they all need raises!

I took turns showing Caroline to our family members for the next couple of hours.  The last time I saw her that day, her hand had turned blue – I think from the low blood pressure.  They tied something to her other hand (maybe a diaper) and it redirected some of the blood to her other hand.  Her fingers slowly started to get color back.  After that, the only thing I could do was slam a burger and fries.  I had enough for one day. 

I wrote a lot of this last night while watching the Chilean miners get rescued.  The mine collapsed about the time that Caroline was born.  One of my co-workers made an analogy between Caroline and rescuing the miners.  The point was to live one day at a time and to have incredible faith.  Well, the Chilean’s beat Caroline, but hopefully she is not too far behind. 

The gap is filled in.  Now, my “diary” is complete.  

September 12 - one month old - 2 pounds, 14 ounces

October 13 - 4 pounds, 13 ounces